Tag Archive | Marriage

There is no such thing as 50/50

I have been married for almost 6 years.  It’s a relatively short time, but in this time I have gained some perspective and have a trade secret that not many people know.   Are you ready for it?  Do you want me to share it with you all?

Well here it is, in marriage, there is no such thing as 50/50!  Now that I know better, it really bothers me to hear people say that marriage is 50/50.  This is what I grew up hearing and learning so this is what was imprinted into my brain.  But this is NOT accurate.  You have to give it your ALL!  When you are married under God, he does not unite just half of you; He unites you completely to your spouse, for life!  Marriage is 100/100.  Now, that is much easier said than done.  In our marriage, there are times when we are overwhelmed, underwhelmed, dealing with the needs of the children, irritated with each other, we need our space, we’re sick, etc.  The list goes on…  But what we realized is, that we have to give it our all or our marriage will fail, and it almost did once.  God’s plan for marriages and family is to put the spouse first – always.  The children next, and everything else goes after that.  If we keep the needs of our spouse and our marriage in the very front of our hearts and minds, instead of the needs of our “selves” then we “fight” better and more productively, we communicate better, and we love unconditionally.

When we went through our rough patch, when our marriage almost failed, I had a very selfish viewpoint of our marriage.  We fought horribly and I would put the blame on him.  I expected so much of my husband and when he didn’t live up to the expectations I had, I blamed him for not doing well enough.  How does the saying go?  When you point the finger at someone else, there are four more pointing right back at you.  I am not saying that our marriage almost failed entirely because of me, but I was definitely not helping it succeed.  We went to counseling through a church, and during the sessions my heart was convicted.  I learned so much.  Ultimately, when we would fight, for me it would boil down to me versus him.  I didn’t have the marriage in mind.  I learned that it’s not just about me or him, it’s about both of us all the time.  As humans, we are very selfish by nature.  I am human, and I was VERY selfish.  On top of that, after we had our son, I put our son’s needs ahead of my husband’s and that put a wedge between us.  During these counseling sessions I learned that in order for my husband to be the leader of the family, I had to tend to his needs first so that he could tend to OUR needs.  And the same goes the other way.  In order for me to be able to meet the needs of my kids and the family, he needs to tend to my needs first.  It is what gives us the strength, courage, energy to get through each day and take on new obstacles.  If we neglect each other’s needs, our parenting is affected, our relationship is affected, our family is affected, etc.

We made it through our rough patch and came out of it stronger and happier than ever.  We even welcomed another child into our family.  When I first got married, I didn’t know what to expect from marriage or from a husband, and what I did expect were the wrong things.  I was young and naive.  Marriage takes work… A LOT.  But, man, is it worth it in the end.  God has truly blessed me with a wonderful husband and family.  We do not have the perfect marriage and we still hit bumps here and there, I sometimes even have my selfish moments.  But what we do differently now is we ask ourselves, “is this what is best for our marriage?” or “am I putting the marriage first?”.  Sometimes the answer is no, and we adjust our perspective.  But because we know to ask ourselves those questions, we WILL have a successful marriage.

Here are some photos of us:

 

 

 

What have you learned over the years that has helped your marriage last?  What advice would you pass on to young couples entering into marriage?

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50 Things About My Marriage

This was something another friend blogged about and I thought it was a neat idea so I am sharing mine too!

1. When is your “engagement” anniversary:
January 4, 2006

2. When is your “marriage” anniversary:
February 4, 2006

3. How long have you known your spouse:
over 5 years

4. How long did you date/court before you were engaged:
6 months

5. Where did you meet your spouse for the first time?
AMC at Desert Ridge

6. What is your spouse’s full name:
Felipe

7. Do you have any children:
Yes!

8. How many – boys/girls:
1 girl- 6 months – Sofia
1 boy- 4 years – Vicente

9. Do you have any house pets:
Yes- 2 dogs (boxers)

10. Do you own a house or rent:
Own

11. Do you live in the country or town/city:
City

12. What is one of your favorite activities together:
Watching a movie

13. Do you have a favorite vacation spot:
No

14. When did you first kiss?
oh geeze, I don’t remember. But I did keep my daytimer from that year and it says we kissed for the first time on Sunday, August 14th, 2005.

15. What church do you attend?
None at the moment

16. Is this the church you were married in:
No, we got married at the church we used to attend, SonRise. It also happens to be the church where we were both baptized.  🙂

17. What town is your current address at:
Phoenix

18. Do you work or stay at home:
I work very part time so I can stay home as much as possible.

19. Where did you go on your honeymoon:
No honeymoon

20.What was the funniest gift you gave when dating?
well, I gave him socks for Christmas with his initials written on them.  (He was always losing his socks to his brother or his dad. Lol)

21.How long have you been together?

5 years

22. How long did you know each other before you started dating?
about 1 month

23. Who asked who out?
We didn’t have an official asking out – we kind of just went to lunch together and started hanging out all the time and so I decided our first lunch date was the day we started dating.  On September 4th he asked me to be his girlfriend though.

24. How old are each of you?

He is 26 and I am 25 almost 26

25. Where do each of you go to school?
We don’t go to school

26. Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Well we went through a bad time about 2 years back but we got through it and came out stronger.

27. Did you go to the same school?

Nope!

28. Are you from the same home town?
No. Not at all. Haha.

29. Who is smarter?
He knows more things but we both have a good amount of common sense and reasoning skills.  I am very logical and analytical

30. Who is more sensitive?
Well, he is an understanding soul and that makes him sensitive.  But being emotionally sensitive, that would be me.

31.Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We don’t really eat out.  Sometimes we pick up food and bring it home.  The only place I can think of that we frequent most often would be Sweet Tomatoes because my family likes it and so does his family so we meet there with one of our families every so often.

32. Where is the farthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

Spain

33.Who has the craziest exes?
He doesn’t actually have “exes” but this girl that liked him at one point is now very rude to me and I consider her a crazy ex.

34. Who has the worse temper?
Me

35. Who does the cooking?
We split it.  I think he ends up cooking more, especially because I work some nights.

36. Who is more social?

I am for sure

37. Who is the neat-freak?

I am.  I am not the cleaner person but I am very particular about everything having a “spot” and being organized and put exactly a certain way.

38. Who is more stubborn?
Me.  We are both VERY stubborn but, as I said before, he can reflect and see things from my point of view and revisit the subject.

39. Who hogs the bed?
HIM!!!   And he rolls on me and sleeps with his back on my back and it drives me nuts!  LOL

40. Who wakes up earlier?
Usually me because I wake up with every little noise Sofia makes.

41. Where was your first date?

Macayos.  That is where we first had lunch together.

42.Who had more boyfriends/girlfriends?
I did

43. Do you get flowers often?
Yes.  I usually get flowers once a week!

44. How do you spend the holidays?
We spend some time with my family and some time with his family.

45. Who is more jealous?
Me, but neither of us are very jealous people.

46. How long did it take to get serious?
It was instantly serious

47. Who eats more?
He does.

48. Who does the laundry
I do.

49. Who’s better with the computer?
He is way better with the computer when it comes to software and programs all the way down to the schematics of the computer and hardware.  He can build a computer and build websites, etc.

50. Leave a piece of advice for the other couples.
Take your vows seriously.  Marriage isn’t just living together.  When you take your vows you are promising to be committed, not just when things are perfect, but for when things aren’t perfect as well.  You owe it to each other (and to God and your children) to be honest.  If something isn’t right, speak up and be willing to work it out.

Will you do this too, so I can learn a little about you?  I think these things are so fun!