I recently read (err listened to) The Year of Less by Cait Flanders. Have you read it? I was inspired. She is raw and real – I loved that. Moreover, in the book she laid out how she set clear goals with the intention of paying off debt, saving, etc and I knew that I wanted to do something similar.
It all started with our clutter. With 5 kids in the house the amount of stuff we accumulated was front and center every. day. For real. I was stressed out and tired all.the.time because of the mess that was all over my house. We’d clean and the mess was back the same day. I could never get on top of it.
Enter: Marie Kondo’s Netflix special. My husband and I started watching it, then the kids joined, then one day in January, everyone got all of their clothes out of their closets and drawers, put them in a pile, and started sorting through. Hallelujah! My two girls may have tried to get rid of too much if you can believe it! Ha! I had to reason with them that they needed enough clothes to last a week. One of my girls holds on to e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g because it all has some sort of sentimental value to her so her purge was very surprising to me. Our closets and our drawers seemed to magically transform.
We did it with their toys. We did it with our own things. Every closet. Everything. I even tried on my old prom dress and wedding dress just for fun …and they fit! (Not well by any means but I was able to squeeze in. That counts, right?)
There were some things we couldn’t get rid of “just in case.” Being foster parents, we don’t know how long we’ll have our current placements OR what age the next placement will be. The kids usually come with nothing more than the outfit they’re wearing so we like to have some clothes on hand that they can wear until we can get to the store. These things take up space. (More on this part of our lives in future posts.)
Then after a few months, we were gifted some new and better furniture from family which meant we brought more stuff into our house. Also, we decided to rearrange the bedrooms to better fit our space and lives and bringing in (more) different furniture was a part of the process. So the old stuff was moved to the garage for the time being and the new-to-us furniture was brought in. But in rearranging I could see how much was being used (or wasn’t being used) of what we had and how much we were just holding on to. I wanted to go through our stuff again. And I needed to get rid of the stuff now accumulating in the garage.
Then I started listening to The Year of Less. She shares a lot of her process. Of how she realized so much of her wardrobe was filled with things she wasn’t comfortable in or things she bought to try and “feel” like who she thought she “should” be. This hit a nerve – in the right way. A figurative light bulb went off. I held on to things through my first purge because “it’s cute” and because “it’s nice quality” but not because I was actually wearing it or wanted it. (But I might have the opportunity or need to wear it in the future so I *should* hold onto it, right? Wrong.) I know that wasn’t the idea behind the Konmari method – and believe me, I still got rid of SO MUCH!
In her book, Cait talks about her “spending ban” and how once she implemented it she was able to start to identify what feelings would lead her to want to shop. How marketing was HUGE in making us feel like we needed that item ‘right now’ or this ‘sale’ was too good to pass up! I felt so convicted in my own spending habits. I have been trying to be careful in my own spending to honor our budget and still be able to fill our (new) home with furniture and decor that reflects our style. When there was a sale, I’d hop on. When we needed toiletries or beauty products I’d stock up when it was on sale because we’d eventually need it anyway, right? And this way we got more for less so it would save us in the long run, right? Well, as hard as I was trying, it wasn’t working out that way. Cait also talks about how this process led her to be more intentional about what she DID buy moving forward. This was what I want for my life, for my spending, and for my budget. I *need* to be more intentional about what I buy. We were in a habit of buying something temporary for our home until we could replace it with what we really wanted. Or buying something to be adventurous in our wardrobes but then never really wearing it because we didn’t feel like ourselves in the clothes. I say “our” but it might have been just me buying said adventurous clothes for myself and also for my husband. I’d buy the CUTEST stuff for my daughter only to bring it home and have her not like it or say the new, cute clothes I bought her weren’t comfortable. I remember feelings of lost wages when she wouldn’t wear those clothes. Didn’t she know how much those things cost? As I was going through that book I realized how WRONG my thinking on this was.
And groceries! We meal plan occasionally but more often than not we go shopping and then when it comes to dinnertime I have no idea what to throw together so we end up eating out. Doing this leaves little room for activities or adventures in our spending which generally means no date nights. I crave that one-on-one time with my husband and I hate that we don’t get that time together because we eat take out so frequently. In order to prioritize my marriage I need to be extremely intentional with my meal planning so we CAN have date nights more frequently but I realized that to prioritize and honor our marriage, and the hard work that my husband does every day to bring home that proverbial bacon, I need to be intentional about not being so wasteful! We were spending extra money on buying organic items (that is important to us) but because I wasn’t meal planning or being intentional about using the food in our fridge those groceries were just getting tossed into the trash OR fed to the chickens. Man, our chickens are/were really getting spoiled! Ha!
So…
I’m starting a sort of spending ban of my own. Just 30 days to start and then I’ll reevaluate moving forward.
Parameters:
- no purchases that are on the basis of temporary use until we find something better
- always meal plan so the groceries are intentionally bought, and used, and then STICK to the meal plan
- no unplanned eating out
- no buying any books NOT needed for homeschooling (this should be easy because I have everything we need for at least this term.)
- no buying clothes for the baby – he has PLENTY
- nothing NEW – unless it is something that NEEDS to be replaced and we don’t already have something that will do. (kids’ shoes, hair dryer, things of this nature.)
- Absolutely NO coffee shop stops. None. Nada.
- No saying yes to an outing on the basis of FOMO (fear of missing out). It’s okay to miss out. It’s okay to say no.
- no buying new furniture until I’ve first sold what I’m trying to replace and have the cash to replace it! Stay away from craigslist, offerup, and swip-swap.
- unsubscribe from all marketing emails so I don’t fall victim to their marketing genius.
Starting 8/1 I am going to implement this spending ban and I’m calling it my No-Spend month. I’m also going to do a second purge and get rid of the stuff I was holding on to that really doesn’t fit who I am and what I want for my family. No more trying to keep up with the Joneses (ironically my maiden name) and more of trying to live fully and freely as the Vallses.
We are already going out of town in August so those few days are the only days we are going to eat out. Even then, we are bringing snacks and lunch foods, the hotel has a breakfast buffet included, so we will only eat out for dinners. We paid for the hotel in advance, too, so that money isn’t coming from my no-spend month.
The end goal? Well, the goal is to pay off debt faster, grow our savings account, and have the freedom to date my husband through being intentional with our monthly spending. The other half of this goal is to live freely in my own skin (or clothes) and home! And throughout this process I’m going to be reflecting and praying about where we are spending money that perhaps we don’t need to be.
To keep me accountable I’m going to post weekly updates for the month. I’m not saying I’ll do this perfectly but I do want to get better. We need to be better stewards of God’s provision. *I* need to be a better steward with God’s provision. I need to be able to live my life as God would have me live it and not trying to compare my life to someone else’s. I’m thankful for this awakening and looking forward to where the next month will lead. I’m thankful to the people who pioneered this ahead of me and shared their experiences. God used YOU to speak to ME. Thank you.
<3,
Tiffany
Have you tried a spending ban or a no-spend period? How did it work for you?
What tips or tricks have you implemented into your life to help you be intentional with your spending?
I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
Valls Family Life 